Hi Julia,
I really liked the tone and delivery of your speech. You made clear the positive impact that your mother has had in your life, and I thought the way you articulated that was really endearing. The one thing that I think needs some adjustment is the length of your speech. Although I think you hit all the marks for the content of your speech, you’re still a little shy of the 3-5 minute mark. Like Candace had mentioned, I think adding some personal stories would not only enhance your speech, but also add a bit more time to it. I think this could be a fairly simple fix, by just adding a few subpoints with examples to your outline, it would help to prep and bring your speech to the next level!
I felt like this was some of the better feedback I’ve given so far this semester, I think it encapsulates the ideal type of feedback I’d like to give out more consistently. For instance, I gave a more direct and concise critique on what could be adjusted, which I think has been lacking thus far. Furthermore, I tied in some of the other feedback that other peers also suggested, which I think helped pull it all together.
Hi Henry,
I liked your presentation-good use of props and a lot of great content. I had a few thoughts that you might want to consider. First off , why is it important to you (or to the audience) to learn how to load SLR cameras? Perhaps if you explain that in the beginning, it will provide more purpose and impact to your speech. Also, I know you were shifting your camera to obtain the best light, but I think it would be optimal if you could include your entire person in the shot, so that we can see you as you are explaining your content. Again, just a few small things that could bring your speech to the next level-great work!
Candace Baker
This feedback from Candace was particularly helpful in bring my 3rd speech towards its final version. Her suggestion to give a personal background to bring more purpose and impact to my speech was very helpful and well said. Furthermore, the suggestion to refrain from changing my camera angle was also a suggestion that ended up adding much more professionalism to the final version of my speech. With this, the way she articulated the feedback was done so in a very constructive and thoughtful manner.
MY BIGGEST STRIDES (Journal #10)
After watching through my speeches thus far, I felt like my dry-run of speech 2 and its subsequent final version displayed to me the importance of the drafting process. With this, the skills I learned through making speech 2 has assisted me throughout the rest of speeches I have made this semester. From the feedback I received from my dry-run, I was made aware that my introduction and conclusion were lacking. These are aspects of my speech I have since spent more and more time focusing on. With this, I believe this was the first time using an outline for my script. Learning to construct and use outlines effectively has drastically helped my preparation, fluency, and delivery of speeches. A moment that stuck out to me in my final version of this speech was ten seconds into the video, where I talked a bit about Illford HP5 Plus. This was something I was lacking in my dry-run and it added some nice context and flowed nicely into my next points. With this, it added more context for the rest of my speech.
Speech 2, Dry-run (link):
Speech 2, Final Version (link):
